Thursday, May 18, 2006

Ask Aunt Tillie: Nibbling on Tillie's Gingerbread

Blogger's Note: Since this blog is somewhat Amishcentric, I get questions from time to time from readers about Amish life and culture, which I refer to my Aunt Tillie, an opinionated, but humble Amish woman. Please leave a comment or email me if you have questions you want me to refer to her in the future. Uncle Menno, who had asked Aunt Tillie a mean question about Amish children wearing braces in April, has now left a new comment to her response. Rather than make you go back and find the post and the comment, I am posting the comment here, along with Aunt Tillie's response.

Hello Aunt Tillie
You're such an old sweetie that it just makes me want to come and nibble on your gingerbread a little. That being said, I don't know that any of these Amish kids with braces had headaches or anything of the sort. Their teeth didn't seem to be growing out of their noses or anything, so I still think they might just be wanting to look nice. And what's next? Implants and botox? Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to nibble your gingerbread if you looked like Joan Rivers. All the best!
Uncle Menno"

Dear Uncle Menno
Thanks for the offer, but after 14 children, I've had enough gingerbread-nibbling to last me for a while. I've even had to use the fly-swatter a few times to discourage my husband, Abner. Don't be trying any gingerbread nibbling around me, or you might just have to go see the dentist yourself. As for those poor children with their braces, why do you keep worrying about them? You didn't ask them about their headaches, did you? You just made some assumptions. The Bible says, "Judge not lest ye be judged." I've never heard about putting botox on implants. Does that make the plants grow better, or keep the weeds down or what? Anyway, I don't see what gardening has to do with braces and gingerbread. As for Joan Rivers, I've never heard of her. I take it you don't like how she looks. Maybe she should get some braces.


rdl said...

very funny, maybe aunt tillie needs her own blog. :D

Amishlaw said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amishlaw said...

Thanks rdl, but I have enough trouble keeping one blog fresh. If Aunt Tillie gets out of hand, I'll tell her to pipe down for a while.

Jess said...

Aren't the Amish a somber people who don't go around laughing at stuff all the time? I'm embarrassed to admit (even here in the privacy of my own humble abode--and we are not talking Amish-humble here, we are talking potential feature story for Bad Housekeeping Magazine humble) that Aunt Tillie and her correspondents crack me up. Is guilty pleasure considered a sin by the Amish? Should I somber up and go clean the house instead?

Anyway, Aunt Tillie must be quite intuitive. She's right about braces for Joan--with the face pulled back so snugly, that rack of tooters doth protrude.

rdl said...

You've been tagged again; I think you can handle this one.

Uncle Menno said...

Dear Aunt Tillie,

I see that your nephew is threatening to shut you up. Isn't that just like the younger generation? They think they're so smart. But I'll tell you something: you're just as smart as he is. Take your cane and rap him across the shins for me when you next see him.

Well, tomorrow I get to go back to the Amish market to look at the cute young Amish girls who work there. I tell you, Tillie, all of these glamorous actresses being chased around and married five times and such. If the guys chasing them are looking for what I think they're looking for, they'd be a lot better off marrying one of these Amish girls, that's what I think. But my Edna used to tell me "There's no fool like an old fool." Maybe she was right.

The Decider said...

Did Aunt Tillie doze off two weeks ago? Wake up, Tillie! Bake us a pie.