Monday, April 24, 2006

Ask Aunt Tillie: Who Does God Love?

Blogger's Note: On April 16, I featured a question to Aunt Tillie about Easter brunch from a fan in New York. A reader, identifying himself as "Uncle Menno," in a comment to the post, asked Aunt Tille a question, which I thought was mean-spirited but which I forwarded to her anyway. I got a card back several days ago with her answer. First the question, then the answer:

Dear Aunt Tillie: There is an Amish market not far from here, and I see that some of the Amish now have braces on their teeth. When did the Lord stop loving crooked teeth? Signed Uncle Menno

Dear Uncle Menno,
I feel sorry for you if you think that needing braces on your teeth means that God doesn't love you. I think sometimes God loves people with some physical defect more than he loves so-called normal people. (I know there is that verse in the Old Testament about people with handicaps not being allowed in the tabernacle of the Lord, but that was then. Times change.) I think I know what you're getting at with your question, Uncle Menno. You think the only reason for wearing braces on your teeth is vanity, but you're just wrong. Occluded teeth can cause jaws to be misaligned and cause people to have headaches. It's hard to work when you have a headache. Do you think it's wrong to take an aspirin when you have a headache? Doesn't God love people who have headaches? You sound like a philosopher with your mean question. Now get back to work and stop worry about little children wearing braces. Next you'll be wondering whether going to see a chiropractor isn't just an excuse for a vacation from work. Well, don't ask. I'm afraid I'll have to get stern with you the next time you ask one of your stupid questions.
Aunt Tillie

5 comments:

The Decider said...

Shouldn't it be "whom" ?

Amishlaw said...

Beats me. I barely know the English language.

Dan S said...

I think Aunt Tillie should have a regular column as a syndicated columnist in newspapers all over the country. She's a hoot.

rdl said...

I think Aunt Tillie should be a regular here, but then maybe she is.

Uncle Menno said...

Hello Aunt Tillie, you're such an old sweetie that it just makes me want to come and nibble on your gingerbread a little. That being said, I don't know that any of these Amish kids with braces had headaches or anything of the sort. Their teeth didn't seem to be growing out of their noses or anything, so I still think they might just be wanting to look nice. And what's next? Implants and botox? Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to nibble your gingerbread if you looked like Joan Rivers. All the best!